LIFE IS SO DAMN GOOD!

AAAAAAAAA CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!

Well, I've gone for centuries, then now I'm back with thousands stories that really bring my life passion bar up there and keep me saying "is it for real?" over and over again.

So let's start it up on the beginning 2013.

2013 is so special so far. Ah, too many good things happened in me. Homecoming too many (5 times this year so far), first time traveling abroad (Bangkok, Phuket, Singapore), solo-backpacking trip to Malang, finally Eid al-Adha at home after 2 years had it in Bali, being a part of APEC CEO Summit 2013 crew, and...the greatest one is....

YAY! I become a part of the big family of BESWAN DJARUM!

Aaaaa you know what, I've been dreaming about this chance for too long, and finally the wait paid off!

The story started around May. I applied to this scholarship through website and sent the documents. Shortly, out of 17,144 applying students from all over Indonesia, there were only 9,290 students passed the documents check and allowed to have the written test on July. After having written test, the number turned smaller into 2,234! And at last, those 2,234 were to have FGD and interview. Then, all I had to do was waiting to see the final result on August, 31st 2013.

And finally that August, 31st came. I sat nicely in front of my laptop in the midnight, opened the website, input my registration number, then all I saw was.....

I PASSEEDDDDD!!!

I couldn't hold myself not to make a noise in a midnight, I just couldn't. The wait paid off. I just couldn't... :')

I jumped in a super excitement for a couple minute before I spread the info to my family, friends, and my circle who's still awake at that time.

I was so shocked. I still stayed in disbelief when I later discovered that only 515 students, repeat, 515 students passed! I mean, what's better than knowing that you're in the 515 chosen students out of 17,144 applying students from all over Indonesia? And moreover, this is a brain-and-leader-character-oriented scholarship program. I mean, do I really deserve this? I think it's not that I'm smart, it's just that I'm lucky...

This is a very prestigious scholarship program. I know right. That was why I was aiming this scholarship program since I was in high school. Even my lecturer said so. And guess what? I got this. Allah is too nice for me. I'm so blessed.

Aannndddd, after that, I followed the first program from Djarum Beasiswa Plus; Nation Building. There will be several programs like Nation Building, Character Building, Leadership Development, Competition Challenges, International Exposure, Community Empowerment, and other talkshows and seminars. The first program is Nation Building which already held on November, 7-13th 2013.

Complete story about this program, will be on the next post ;)

Oh, People...

No, it's not gonna be a long post. Just wanna say:

People who know the great value of a friend won't simply walk away and disappear from their old friends when they've found a better community that comfort them more. No. They'll understand it and they'll try to make a time for their old friends, not for a formality, but obviously because they understand that every friendship is worth to maintain. No doubt about it.

I Hate Limitation!

Well, okay. Who else in this world hate limitation?

If there's someone asks who hates limitation, I will be the frontliner!

I hate limitation. I just realized it a couple days ago and again, I wanna share it here.

I do hate limitation. I hate boundaries. I hate being blocked. I need to be free. I like being independent.

Since I live in Bali, I feel like I'm limited. I have to be dependent on anyone else to go anywhere, can't do anything I like to the fullest, not as spontaneous as I used to be. I feel like I'm very limited. I can't even do the things I love like watching basketball tournament, hanging out, traveling, having fun. Even going to campus, the simplest thing in my life today, have to be dependent on others. I can't socialize as much as I used to be. You know, when I lived in Jakarta, I wasn't a girl who was bounded, had no social life, no friends, no freedom, and other no-no-nos like an indoor girl. So when I moved here to Bali and my life here's totally different, it's such a struggle to go through.

I hate limitation. Seriously. I wanna be free. And independent. Like I used to be.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON WITH MY LIFE?!

March, 22nd 2013
I turned off all my social network accounts. Facebook, Twitter, Path, Instagram, Skype, Yahoo! Messenger, all!

March, 23rd 2013
Was still with my turned off social network accounts. I want to fade away.

March, 24th 2013
I want to runaway.

March, 25th 2013
The climax. Today, I felt like I couldn't do anything correctly.

I had no class today. So I just cleaned my room, laid down, did nothing. I'm supposed to be happy because I'm arranging the itinerary for my holiday to Thailand and Singapore on June. But, yeah... Don't feel good at all. I still act normally in front of my friends. Laughing, joking, hanging out, talking, gossiping... But deep inside my heart, I'm not okay at all. Well, I'm really talented at hiding feelings and faking laugh.

Tonight, I was supposed to have a meeting with my professor to discuss about Field Trip 2, an annual college activity. The Field Trip 1 had been undergone on the 2nd semester. But unfortunately, because of misunderstanding between me, the professor, and the chairman of this activity, the appointment to meet my professor had to be scrubbed. Then, I came back home desperately and when I arrived at my boardinghouse, my friend, Zita, came here and told her fight with her boyfriend. Not so long after hearing her story, I got an info that Bayu was sent to the hospital due to asphyxiate. And also some text messages that really made me down (I really can't share what it is here. All you have to know is it brought me down, so deep down). I just...don't know. Why do these things come to me in a sudden and in once?

Maybe it doesn't seem like something I have to think too much. But in my unstable feeling and condition like right now, even the littlest thing can really distract my mind.

et cetera..., I Miss You!

et cetera..., I miss you!

Ya, that's the most suitable title for this post I think. I know I've been such a scumbag for ignoring this blog just because of boredom and coming back here again like there's nothing ever happened. But, ya, for that, I am really sorry! I do apologize! And, what making me back here is because there's something distracting my life these days, and really don't know where else to share..

Well, you guys surely have ever been (or maybe will be) in a phase when you're tired with everything. Tired with your daily routine, with your life, with all works, with people around you, with small things that you have to care, with every little-useless-unimportant thought that's always running through your mind, even you're queasy to have a holiday for relaxing you mind, body and soul, and everything starts to look annoying. And I'm on that phase.

I AM TIRED WITH EVERYTHING. E-VE-RY-THING!

Seriously, I don't even know what's going on with me. All I know is I'm queasy with everything around me. Maybe this what people call tired-to-the-climax. I don't want to be around people right now. I need to be alone. Completely alone.